Don’t care how, I want it now! (Updated with smart thoughts from Megan McArdle)

by Sonny Bunch on November 28, 2012

From Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory:

Veruca Salt: I want a bean feast.

Mr. Salt: Oh, one of those.

Veruca: Cream buns and doughnuts and fruitcake with no nuts / So good you could go nuts

Mr. Salt: You can have all those things when you get home.

Veruca: No, noooooow.

From the Guardian:

Frederic Filloux: A couple of months ago, I purchased the first season of the TV series Homeland from the iTunes Store. I paid $32 for 12 episodes that all landed seamlessly in my iPad. I gulped them in a few days and was left in a state of withdrawal. Then, on 30 September, when season 2 started over, I would have had no alternative but to download free but illegal torrent files. Hundreds of thousands of people anxious to find out the whereabouts of the Marine turncoat pursued by the bi-polar CIA operative were in the same quandary.

Emphasis mine. It’s the “I would have had no alternative” that set me off. Of course you have an alternative you ninny! It’s not bread for your starving family. You’re not going to die if you have to wait six months to watch a TV show. You’re not morally justified in your thievery.

We are now a world of Veruca Salts, difficult little prats with no self-control and a whiny sense of self-entitlement who are all convinced that our forays into digital lawlessness are justified because we deserve to have everything, right now, in toto, and screw you if you don’t like it their business model should change.

I hate the future.

Update: Megan McArdle is also vexed, it seems:

This argument is both ludicrous, and wrong.  Ludicrous, because if piracy is actually wrong, it doesn’t get less wrong simply because you can’t have the product exactly when and where you want it at a price you wish to pay.  You are not entitled to shoplift Birkin bags on the grounds that they are ludicrously overpriced, and you cannot say you had no alternative but to break into an the local ice cream parlor at 2 am because you are really craving some Rocky Road and the insensitive bastards refused to stay open 24/7 so that you could have your favorite sweet treat whenever you want.  You are not forced into piracy because you can’t get a television show at the exact moment when you want to see it; you are choosing piracy.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Jamey Bowers November 28, 2012 at 9:13 am

My favorite bit torrent story from a co-worker….

co-worker: Bit torrent is great, I’ve been downloading lots of movies.

me: Oh.

co-worker: This weekend my wife and I watched Passion of the Christ at home, it was really good.

me: You stole a movie about Jesus?


Sonny Bunch November 28, 2012 at 9:15 am

Render unto Mel Gibson the things that are Mel Gibson’s…


Will November 28, 2012 at 2:27 pm

As a public service, I feel obliged to mention that this doesn’t even come close the worst opinion piece The Guardian has ever published:,,824560,00.html


Will November 28, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Sonny Bunch November 28, 2012 at 2:28 pm

I mean, no one thinks the Guardian is a hotbed of sensible thought.


SkinsFanPG November 29, 2012 at 8:08 am

or, you know, get showtime.


Nedward December 2, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Those French fourth-estaters may despise America’s degenerate hyperpower hegemony but let ’em go a few hours without our most potent IP and they’re fiending for the next fix


Nedward December 2, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Is “Homeland” the new “Mad Men?” (i.e. the new “Sopranos”)–wherein, so as to demonstrate one’s elevated social status, he/she complains about, analyzes, or just shoehorns it into unrelated conversation as possible


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